One would think that being surrounded by familiar objects would be warm and comforting, however after unpacking the 87 boxes our previous life was crammed into, I occasionally still struggle to figure out how our things (and I) fit in here. I found that the following things tend to help me when I'm overcome with a severe case of longing for home.
Making our new place feel like home
This is by far my biggest project right now and it's great, because it keeps me so busy! It's definitely a slow process though, so requires a lot of patience and compromises. Our villa's modern, sophisticated style clashes with our taste and is also not really suitable for life with small children. The sleek, sharp edges and hardwood furniture, the silvery grey soft furnishings where every spill or smudge stands out like a sore thumb aren't really working for our lifestyle, but the changes we can make are limited. We decided to use small decorative items to personalise the space. We're also working on a tight budget at the moment, so I'm mostly using what we already have. I put up family photos, display my tchotchkes, light scented candles. It's incredible how a familiar scent can instantly make me feel safer.
I find so much joy in finding a place for all our things and tidying. It really helps with my anxiety. I don't mind some mess (otherwise I'd go nuts dealing with the millions of toys strewn around the house), but I can't cope with being surrounded by stuff just randomly cluttered around , being put from one place to another. I don't strictly follow the KonMari method, but it has definitely helped me become more organised and structured in my tidying. Her philosophy on minimalism and aiming for a less consumerist lifestyle also deeply resonates with me.
The Bucket List
I've been writing a lot about feeling isolated, because for many of us I think this is the main problem when starting out abroad. To combat this, in addition to signing up to activities within the compound, we also love asking new friends for recommendations about places to visit and things to do are in Riyadh and beyond, and add them to our bucket list.
With Riyadh Season in full swing, it's easier than ever to find activities outside of the compound. We agreed to try one or two new things every week. It doesn't have to be anything crazy, last weekend we took the kids to Yamamah Park in the DQ for a messy sensory play session, then had coffee and snacks.
One of the advantages of being a diplomat is that there are a lot of receptions hosted by the different Embassies that Husband gets invited to. These events are a great way to catch up with colleagues in a more relaxed environment. We sometimes make a date of it – I get to dress up and we meet before an event for a drink (non-alcoholic though, as alcohol is still illegal in the Kingdom).
Comparison is the Thief of Joy
I have a tendency to drive Husband up the wall with this. As humans, it's only normal to draw comparisons between every aspect of our lives. It can be motivational, it can help being more clear about our wants and needs, but comparing our circumstances to others', or in my case comparing our new circumstances to a previous one can also cause a lot of negative feelings, anxiety and resentment. I also compare the worst things here to the best things at home, which is really unhelpful and leads to so much frustration, and there is no end to the things I can compare. It's a slippery slope and once I start, there is no end to it.
Husband has to remind me daily that it's futile to compare the nurseries, the house, the sustainability, because we are here now and some of the things can not be changed. I should instead see the bigger picture and focus on the most important things. The children are thriving! We may not be overjoyed or even satisfied with everything, but bottom line is that the kids now see their dad every day thanks to improved work-life balance, I have a lot more help and freedom, we are surrounded by lovely people, we still get to talk to friends and family regularly, and the list goes on...
When homesickness gets the best of me, I try to remind myself that we're lucky we can travel to London multiple times a year to catch up with our friends in person, get our favourite pastries from our local cafe and what I admittedly miss the most – eat unpasteurised cheese and have a glass or two of nice wine with it.
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