We're rapidly approaching the one year anniversary of the family relocating to Riyadh. This has prompted me to reflect on the challenges and rewards of this experience so far. We grew in many different ways, we learned, and met incredible people along the way. The life of a diplomatic family is unpredictable, with the only constant being change, but I'm beyond grateful to be living it.
Resilience and patience
Diplomats, especially junior ones are seldom posted where they want to be. Most are sent to wherever they are needed, even if that means a country that we're completely unfamiliar with or would normally not be on our radar. Decisions also happen relatively last minute with usually less than six months to prepare for moving. The unpredictability is as terrifying as exciting, but herein also lies the beauty of the career. Admittedly we got really lucky as Riyadh was actually our top choice despite not knowing much about Saudi Arabia at the time and not speaking a word of Arabic. But we were ready to have an adventure!
The homesickness will wear off then return, then lessen again
The culture shock and the stress of moving abroad with young children was brutal. It took a few weeks after arriving for it to sink in and homesickness to hit me with full force. It was dizzying. This was also the time when I woke up every morning having to remind myself to hold on just a little longer and take it day by day. Not going to lie, I was googling plane tickets on a daily basis. Talking to people who have been through it helped a lot. Eventually we settled into a routine, learned to embrace the cultural differences and recognise the similarities and shared values and now it all seems very distant.
Children are more resilient than we give them credit for
The kids were very young when we moved, which helped immensely. Toddler, who was nearly two and a half at the time kept talking about his old friends and some of them we still see when we're back in London, but he also quickly found new friends. Our compound is great for young families and just going to the playground and signing up for classes like swim lessons or gymnastics helped getting close with others in the same boat and now we're never short on playdates.
Toddlers never seem to amaze me with their adaptability. That said, we had issues with getting used to the compound's nursery setting and it was a constant battle trying to get the kids excited (or at least not sad and anxious) to go. The approach to education, curriculum and teaching methods are alien to us, and despite having really supportive teachers and friendly assistants, we couldn't make it work. In the end we decided to enrol Toddler in a small British school with all UK educated teachers instead and keeping the Younger One at home for another year. I'm hopeful that a Montessori-aligned EYFS curriculum will suit our family better, as it aligns better with our approach to parenting.
Relationships are going to change
Nurturing relationships and reaching out to people is even more important when distance makes it impossible to meet face to face regularly. I personally find it really hard to respond to longwinded messages and catch up over text or email, so I started leaving voice messages instead. I video chat with family and close friends as often as we can, and always stay up to date with what’s happening in each other’s lives.
Facetime and video calls remind me of the awful COVID lockdown times when we were forced to socialise strictly online, but it does make the time we get to spend together all the more precious. Close friends remain close even if we only get to meet a handful of times a year. Even if I haven’t heard from someone for months, they usually are so happy when I reach out (as am I when I get an unexpected message from an old acquaintance I haven’t heard from in a while).
We always try to persuade people to visit us and it’s really fun to show them our new life. Similarly, it’s amazing to go home to see friends and be reminded of our old one, talk as if we’d just seen each other last week.
Home is where the heart is
This only became clear last week during my first solo trip to London. On one hand it was great to be back to my old life for a week, do some of the things I missed the most, see a few of my closest friends and I wish I had more time to see more! On the other hand, being away from the boys felt like I was missing a limb. I realised that I have irreversibly outgrown that old life and could hardly wait to finally be home in Riyadh with my family. We’re going back for an extended visit to Europe in just a few short weeks. I wonder how the boys will feel about taking a trip home away from home.
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